Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
