hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize