angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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