"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
