hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
