Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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