Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
