Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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