hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
