i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
