just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
