Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
