According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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