I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
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