"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
dude i'm inner monologue high
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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