I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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