I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
