i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
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