guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
