i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
