I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
