I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
