I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
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