Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
