My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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