Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
