just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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