Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
