I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
you had me at cake vodka
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize