How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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