i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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