I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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