I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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