Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
