I heard we made out
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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