cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
