question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
