You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
