No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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