Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
