OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
