i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
