At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
