What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
