my mouth tastes like poor choices
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
