in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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