I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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