Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Randomize
