Welp...herpes.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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