The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize