that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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