Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
