I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
