I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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