How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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