Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
