We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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