I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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