they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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