FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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