just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
