Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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