Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Randomize
