i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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