i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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