barbara walters just said penis...
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
