I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
It's official drugs can't kill me
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
