I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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