so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
