On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
